“If a man is deceitful with those he claims an affinity for how much more so will he be to strangers.”
“No more than you can make a silk purse from a sow’s ear can you make a boy into a man by putting him in a uniform. A uniform is the mask of a coward who would blame others for his evil deeds, whereas, a man will own up to the responsibility of correcting his own misdeeds.”
Depression is real. It should never be used as someone’s toy. It is a game of Russian Roulette and the wrong spin could pull up the round in the chamber.
What I am about to write may cause me to be attacked or ridiculed but it was the mind games of one person that brought me to the verge of taking my life and if not for the concern of friends I would no longer be here today. And if this in any way helps to save another life then what I will go through is worth it.
Roughly three and a half years ago I became involved in an affair with a married man. I warned him going in about my depression and he didn’t even bother to understand what I was saying, mainly because he was willing to sacrifice my life for his own pleasure. As the affair progressed I fell in love and he was well aware of my feelings but proceeded to use that to his advantage. He would punish me by withholding his attention until I played nice as it were. He made sure the entire relationship revolved around what he wanted and this of course started to wear on my depression. I was down to 96 lb., from 120, when he finally deserted me after promising that would never happen. But that was just one of the many lies he told me.
In the beginning he was telling me they were talking about a divorce, that he no longer loved her and would leave her as soon as he got his disability from the military. He was turned down for his disability and that changed the way he treated me. He refused to talk to me when I really needed him to and when I would tell him how sick I was getting from his coldness toward me he would tell me to just get over it. I repeatedly told him for a depressed person that wasn’t possible. He never cared.
He told me his wife had cheated on him right after they were married and he wasn’t even sure his son was going to be his. He said she had other affairs over the years. I can only wonder now if she ever cheated on him at all or he was just playing for sympathy.
Over the years he would say things to make me feel he did love me and then he would turn around and pull the rug out from under me by saying cold and hurtful things. And yes, he did tell me he loved me. I now know what he meant was he loved the way I made him feel. And any time I raised concerns he would assure me I meant something to him. That he wasn’t going anywhere. Lies on top of lies on top of lies. He would promise things and never follow through in what only now appears as trying to keep me down and submissive.
He said he would leave her but she would get his money and even said to me one time he would kill her if she did get it. He told me he loathed her with such venom in his voice it scared me at the moment. He repeatedly told me and his friends how he wanted to just get away from her.
When I would be hurt and crying he would laugh at me and tell me to grow a thick skin. He would push for sex even when I was crying. He pushed for sex even when I was in a weakened state. It was all about him and satisfying him. He never cared about me or what became of me. I honestly think he did want me to die. That would have solved his problem.
During the last political campaign he even was so cold as to attack a candidate over his “alleged” infidelity. When I asked him to stop as he too was having an affair he said it was ok because he wasn’t running for office. The affair we had was on going when he ran for office and when I mentioned it he simply said we didn’t get caught. I was hurt he had did this but he didn’t care. His attacks got worse against this candidate.
He is a retired Marine who talks about honor but has no honor. It meant nothing to him to hurt someone who could least afford it. If I had taken my life he would never had cared. He never checked to see if I was ok. I think he had hoped I would take my life.
Thank you Larry B. Risvold for ruining my life and destroying a loving heart just because you could, and for what? SEX. Thank you for raping my soul.
If you are married and are thinking about an affair please reconsider it because a moments pleasure isn’t worth the life of another.
Update: I believe Mr. Risvold has been riding by my house in an attempt to intimidate me. I have no proof but it sounds like his dog that has a distinctive voice. I have witnessed him beat his dog in the past Just for barking. And he has left bruises on my arms showing no concern . I do not know what he is capable of. At the time I thought he was unaware of what he was doing but in light of remarks he has made and what appears to be an attempt to harass me has me worried. Mr. Risvold lives a life of illusion and any thing that threatens his appearance to those around him becomes a threat to him.
You tell yourself over and over exactly what you want to say hoping it all comes out clear but I can never express enough or in adequate words what hell I live through everyday with the depression. And when someone comes along and plays on the weakness of my disability I have to wonder what kind of person would do that knowingly. I don’t know if Mr. Risvold returned to my world just to get me to remove this article or if his feelings even border on sincerity. For starters, he basically used the excuse of his son finding this article to contact me, never even bothering to read the article. He finally did read it and told me I needed to remove it as I was only hurting myself. Mr. Risvold overlooks the fact that I don’t give heed to what others think of me. If they want to look down on me they will always find an excuse. People who know me know how I am but those who know Mr. Risvold only know a façade. He did later admit he thought it hurt him. Seems the only ones talking negatively about it to him was his family.
Yes, even knowing the article was out there he wanted to resume our relationship. He said he had regretted pushing me away. That he thought about me all the time. Just more lies on top of more lies? I hardly know any more. Publicly he has to pretend she is the important one because of the kids and privately I am the one that is important. What kind of reasoning is that? The “kids” are adults. But mainly it is the money. I guess it takes a lot of money to live a lie so your friends and neighbors never know the truth. That there is no real love or substance in your home. Even his wife admits she doesn’t love him and only stays for the money.
I often wonder how Mr. Risvold says, “Simper Fi” with a straight face. The goddess he honors, Fides, is also the goddess of honesty and trustworthiness, Mr. Risvold seems foreign to both concepts. Maybe trusting him to be honest was a fool’s errand. It reminds me of the court scene in A Few Good Men where one marine says to the other something to the effect of hurting the ones they should have protected. Mr. Risvold would say “Simper Fi” means faithful to God but this is the same guy who held his middle finger toward God in my living room because the weather was going to be too bad to go boating. Not very faithful to God at all.
He kept telling me I was the one he wanted to hurt the least but his actions were to hurt me the most. I think he did things purposefully in order to make me cry just so he could watch me in pain, like it made him proud of himself. He did take advantage of my feelings for him and it has cost me a lot. I am sure it will cost him nothing. A few slaps on the back and a few “Atta boys” and he will be so proud of his accomplishment of ruining another’s life. But he can never be proud of being an honest man. I am sure he will be told “the whore deserved it” and he will just laugh in a drunken stupor as he downs another beer. My emotional state has left me sick and all I can hear is Mr. Risvold saying, “Get over it.” He always thought the depression was something to laugh at and take advantage of. Just a means to an end. But then what should one expect of a man who put on a Marine uniform and trolled a church to pick up women? He brings shame to the uniform and only hides behind it because it lets him pretend he is the man he will never be.
Update: It seems Mr. Risvold doesn’t know what “over” is. He has tried sending a friend over to use me like he did. I don’t know if it is because I cut him off entirely and that made him mad or if he just feels a need to keep hurting me. He has ridden by my house when I have repeatedly asked him in the past not to. There is no reason for him to unless he is trying to hurt or harass me. He has sent me an email threatening to sue me but backed off when I reminded him what would come out in court. If he saw this post as an issue why not sue when I first posted it instead of using it as an excuse to pick up where he left off? At this point I don’t think he would be stupid enough to hurt me but I am finding out I never really knew him. He has told me I haven’t seen him when he is really mad. And anyone capable of the damage he has already caused and thought so light of is capable of anything. My God, he told a friend he needed to “get some of that” because “she needs it”. No Mr. Risvold, she needed someone to love her, not use her. You just needed someone to use.
You wanted everything to be all about you. Well I made it all about you.
Note: No apology for enabling him to do this the whole marriage. She is just as guilty for allowing the bad behavior.
A little touch on irony…Mr. Risvold once told me when he was overseas he used the women that the sailors were keeping up because he wasn’t going to pay for sex. If what he told me was true he is now keeping up a woman who other men are using for sex without paying for it.
Everyone told me Mr. Risvold was a liar, a user and, to put it politely, a coward. I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a mistake and I apologize to everyone for not listening. Mr. Risvold has no problem with others living with the damage he has caused but takes issue with being exposed for causing it. To Mr. Risvold I will say “I am sorry you were never the man I thought you were. I am sorry you have no self-respect but that does not give you the right to disrespect others. I am sorry you never felt I deserved the truth. But mostly I am sorry I trusted a guy who felt it was ok to send another guy to my house to get sex based on lies.”